Let go of inhibitions. Laughter opens us up, freeing us to express what we truly feel and allowing our deep, genuine emotions to rise to the surface. Like any tool, humor can be used in negative as well as positive ways. Making snide, hurtful remarks, for example, then criticizing the other person for not being able to take a joke will create even more problems and ultimately damage a relationship. Humor can only help you overcome conflict when both parties are in on the joke.
Lately, Kevin has taken to sleeping at the far edge of the bed, a solution that distances them as a couple. Humor should be equally fun and enjoyable for everyone involved. When you use humor and playfulness as a cover for other emotions, you create confusion and mistrust in your relationships. The following are examples of misplaced humor:. Mike is a constant jokester. Nothing ever seems to get him down and he never takes anything seriously. No matter what happens to him or to anyone else, he makes a joke out of the situation.
Sharon is often jealous and possessive with her boyfriend John, but she has never learned to openly discuss her insecurities and fears. Instead, she uses what she thinks is humor to express her feelings. Instead of laughing, he often responds with a quiet coldness or withdrawal.
Some find it easier than others to use humor, especially in tense situations. Monitor nonverbal cues. Does their smile seem fake or forced? Are they leaning away from you or leaning towards you, encouraging you to continue? Avoid mean-spirited humor.
It may work for some comedians on stage, but used one-on-one, it will not only fall flat but may also damage your relationship. Saying something hurtful or insulting, even when framed as a joke, may alienate the other person and weaken the bond between you. Create inside jokes. An inside joke is something that only the two of you understand. It can often be reduced to a word or short phrase that reminds you both of a funny incident or amusing story, and is usually guaranteed to generate a smile or laugh from the other person.
Even if the joke falls flat or comes out wrong, the only person you risk offending is yourself. Do you find it hard to joke around or loosen up? You can relearn this quality. Start by identifying the things you enjoy that border on fun or playful.
For example, you may like to:. How can I learn to be more fun? Answer by Nelson Wang , founder of ceolifestyle. This question originally appeared on Quora - the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world. More questions:. Top Stories. Top Videos. Go on life adventures - Life experiences give you stories to share with others.
Take that startup job. Go paddle surfing like you've alway planned. Everyone loves a good story. There are the behaviors that actively make you more fun , and there are the traits to avoid that make you less-fun. Being more fun When I was trying to think up all the traits I've noticed that make people more fun, I realized they were all fairly vague and general.
You'll see what I mean in a second. This vagueness means two things: First, as long as they're sticking to the very general principles, everyone can be fun in their own style. Your fun self can be a reflection of your normal self. Second, the principles are relative. What I mean is, one person can apply them at a low level of intensity and be fun in a subdued way, which their friends may enjoy more than someone who's really over the top.
Another person can apply the same principle in a more rowdy, energetic way. Sometimes I get this mental image of a "fun person" being a loud guy standing on a table with a beer in each hand. But I think that's just a particular flavor of being fun, which you'd have to be in a certain mindset to appreciate.
You can be fun in a more low key manner, and in a style other than "hyper, drunken party animal". However, even though I just wrote about how everyone can be fun in their own way, this article is still using a certain meaning of "fun", which involves having a wacky, entertaining, funny time with people.
If someone were to say, "My idea of having fun is to take an afternoon to meditate in my garden", then this article won't line up with their use of the word. If it's not important to you to be more fun in the way the article is talking about, then it may not be something you need to read. In one way or another, fun people are often funny.
Sometimes it's because they're purposely being a comedian and trying to make their friends laugh. With others it's more that they have a naturally amusing personality, and can't help but be entertaining as they make conversation on any random topic. Fun people have a knack for pulling their friends into fun situations.
Some of them just simply know good places to go and fun things to do. Others have this hard-to-pin-down ability to just get everyone they're involved with into wacky circumstances.
Rather than make a normal response to an event, they'll be a bit more spontaneous and unpredictable and get everyone involved in something memorable. A lot of us are used to going through life at a certain level of reservedness. We may have a better time if we pushed our limits somewhat, but we're used to our default setting.
Fun people are good at convincing us to let loose a little more. Sometimes it's because their own enthusiasm is infectious. At other times they have a skill for applying some light, harmless peer pressure to get us to do something we'd like anyway. The classic example is someone dragging their more reluctant friends onto the dance floor, where they start to have a good time once they get going. Some people have fun naturally. Others know they need to consciously shift into a mindset where they're trying to have a good time.
They realize a part of them wants to quietly hang back, and instead they go on the lookout for things that could increase the fun they're having. Whether they have to work at it or not, fun people are good at finding or creating entertaining situations.
Hopefully the setting they find themselves in will be fun from the get-go, but if it's not then they'll stir something up. They'll end up chatting to some new people, and find a way to joke around with them. They'll suggest an activity to take part in, or a change of venue. They may get everyone involved in some zany stunt and see where it goes.
Having fun often means being more silly and childish than normal. You have to shelve your more sober parts of yourself and temporarily regress to a goofier, freer side of your personality. It means laughing at dumb jokes and stupid antics, instead of being serious and judgmental about them. A lot of people use alcohol or other substances to help them get into this state, but you can obviously get there on your own. Another part of being fun is being more spontaneous and uninhibited compared to your normal self.
That doesn't mean you have to start throwing furniture off someone's roof or become a stereotypical frat boy idiot, just that in fun situations being a bit more wacky or reckless relative to the usual you isn't seen as a big deal. Or to use a cliche: Say "yes" to more things than you normally would. If you have a chance to do something memorable and entertaining, throw caution aside and go with it. That way leads to stories you'll laugh about afterward. If you really want to, you can come up with a reason why doing pretty much anything is a bad idea.
Don't let that sensibility go too far. This point is closely related to some of the ones above. This is hard to explain, but I've noticed fun people have a tendency to push things a little further than everyone else.
If everyone is joking around, they'll start making slightly more outrageous or edgy jokes. If everyone is on the dance floor, they'll start dancing in a more kooky or showy way and get everyone else to join in. Not always, but sometimes this pushing involves taking things in a slightly more risque direction. There's often fun to be had in pushing things slightly, but some people are hesitant to go there.
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