When you model healthy coping strategies to your children, they learn how to function well even in dire circumstances. Source: unsplash. Drug, alcohol, gambling, and other addictions can lead to codependency, with caretakers spending excessive amounts of time, energy, and other resources on the addicted individual. When an addiction is severe, it can drain a family's financial and emotional resources.
Individuals with even the slightest mental health issues tend to become sicker when there is addiction present in the family-but even mentally healthy people have difficulty dealing with family addictions. While addiction can cause problems within a family, addictive behaviors are also used in an attempt to cope with dysfunctional family dynamics. People in a family that doesn't meet their needs may turn to alcohol, drugs, food, or gambling for temporary relief. Perfectionist parents often put incredible pressure on their partners and children , not just to do their best, but to accomplish the impossible.
Perfectionism is unrealistic and can be toxic to family life. Perfectionists' loved ones often feel like they're walking on eggshells. Children with perfectionist parents may lose their innate lighthearted spirit and find it difficult to learn. These children may lack self-esteem and feel incompetent, worthless, or generally inadequate.
Poor communication may be the single most telling characteristic of a dysfunctional family. Virtually any problem can be managed with open, honest, healthy communication. One common theme in dysfunctional families is the inability or unwillingness to listen to one another. In many cases, an individual will avoid direct communication with the person who has caused a problem, instead confiding in other family members in an effort to evade confrontation.
Indirect communication can cause bitterness and passive-aggressive behavior. It can also result in a lack of trust within a family unit. When a parent lacks empathy, his or her children may feel that the parent's love is conditional. When a parent shows empathy, however, he or she models this trait to the child, which can help children become compassionate, empathetic adults. The unconditional love, empathy, and open communication present in healthy families helps parents work with their children in a constructive manner, even when the child makes a mistake or poor decision.
In healthy families, parents are intent on helping their children make good decisions and learn from their mistakes rather than belittling them or instilling shame. Taking a more relaxed, accepting approach encourages kids to do their best in every situation, rather than living to appease the controlling parent.
Parents in dysfunctional families often lack trust in their children and tend to invade their privacy. While there are times when parents need to know what's going on with their children so they can respond appropriately, parents in a functional family utilize honest communication rather than room raids and harsh interrogations. Children in dysfunctional families often aren't given the opportunity to be themselves.
They may be discouraged from making their own decisions, developing preferences that are different from their parents', or having friends their parents disapprove of. They're often expected to imitate their parents rather than develop unique personalities.
Criticism runs rampant in a dysfunctional family. Sometimes, the criticism is blatant, with parents chastising everything the child says or does. Other times, parents take a more subtle approach by using sarcasm, insults, or teasing in a sneaky attempt to say something negative without making themselves seem cruel.
There are a handful of families I know that struggle with problems such as these. Parents having problems can even lead to their children having problems of their own. A quote that spoke to me was when Sharon Martin recalled the criticizing words her parents said to her as a child, which she never forgot.
This article, not only portrays the struggles of many families, but also shows ways to help cope with the hard times. After years of a child not trusting their parents due to lying or absence, they learn not to trust others.
Without trust, a child might not be able to have a healthy relationship with others in their adulthood due to trust issues from their parents.
I certainly put the fault on them two!!. Mom was an abused child from a bad step mother since her mother died when my mom was just 3 so her father married this wicked step person. Minnie was her name; she did a number on my mom!!
Soooo many other incidents I can speak of it would take 54yrs. Just so much Thank u for your testimony. It breaks my heart to read this.
I have struggled with substance abuse for more than half of my entire life and I have always struggled with figuring out why or what the root of the problem is. I always knew that I grew up in a dysfunctional family and I am an adult child of a anabolic steroid user which is pretty much the same as an alcoholic. Thank you so much and I would be very interested in Reading anything you have with more information on this!
I respect everything that you have written in this blog. Please continue to provide wisdom to more people like me. I agree with every factor that you have pointed out. Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts on this. Every paragraph hit home with me. This article reminds me of how much I really need to enter into counseling again. Wish me luck. What is a dysfunctional family? Unpredictable, chaotic, and unsafe Dysfunctional families tend to be unpredictable, chaotic, and sometimes frightening for children.
Shame Shame is pervasive in dysfunctional families. Healing Healing also means moving beyond the rules that govern dysfunctional family dynamics.
You can break down shame, isolation, and loneliness, and build more connected relationships when you share your thoughts and feelings with trustworthy people. They might pit children against one another and make them compete for affection, or constantly compare them. Other important elements of control are dependence and lack of privacy. Excessive criticism: Criticism and other verbal abuse are particularly difficult for children to overcome. Some criticism might be direct, while other forms are more subtle and relayed in the form of teasing or put-downs.
Regardless of delivery, consistent criticism from parents has a negative impact on self-image and development. Having dysfunctional parents or a dysfunctional family dynamic can cause children to struggle later in life.
Children involved with a dysfunctional family unit could have study problems in school. They could [also] drift into drug or alcohol abuse. Children from dysfunctional families are also more likely to become withdrawn and socially isolated. They often feel lonely and have difficulty expressing their feelings, and they are at risk of developing depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, and more.
As children mature, these problems persist. Perhaps most serious of all, these individuals can continue the cycle by developing their own parenting problems and perpetuating the dysfunctional dynamic.
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